The Affair: I came, I saw, I took copious notes and left.

As you know, I do try to be a beacon of wholesome goodness in the land of nonsense. But occasionally, I must snark, to get all the impurities out of my engine. And then there are times when I may combine the two. Never has a topic lured me into that waffling center more than love.

Valentines Day, is a day of fuckery. Please know that even in a relationship, I have made it abundantly clear that if you come anywhere near me with roses and candy red hearts I will likely give you the gas face. Why? Because everything about the holiday is forced. Everything about Valentine's day is candy coating over whatever your reality might be. And if you know anything of me after all my blabbering on this thing, you know I'm disinclined to approve of candy coated life.

Perhaps its because my father made the gas face at the "holiday." Perhaps it's because this holiday seems to (intentionally or not) give great anxiety to those who deem themselves "loveless" because someone isn't dropping at least 70 bucks on an assortment of "love themed" junk. Perhaps it's because many who do partake in the holiday do it, not because they want to...but because they fear what may happen to them should they not. Whatever it is, every year I look at this holiday and I wonder how we got herded into this crap to begin with.

This post was not going to start about Valentine's day. But it's a fitting lead in to some news. As you probably know, I've been toe dipping into something that has had some promise. And I told you I wouldn't be sharing too much of it. And I didn't. Without telling you the hows and whys of how we fell rather awkwardly into the friendship category...ah hell...it's a holiday week. Why not.

Nine Things I Learned This Go 'Round:

1. Don't be afraid to put your dealbreakers out there. There's nothing wrong in the 'getting to know you' stage, with really clarifying what you want, for yourself and in life. Also, when it's tastefully appropriate, be sure to establish those things that make you toss the entire bit in the garbage. If you're upfront, you can save a lot of time and a lot of heartache.

2. Mean what you say, and say only what you mean. This has always been a rule I love, but I'm learning how to appreciate the benefits of direct, open conversation. One thing the Lawyer and I did, and will continue to do as friends, is always let each other know how we feel and what's important to us. It may have been hard to do sometimes, but I'm learning that if you are truly dealing with an adult, it's always, always immediately rewarding. No matter the end result.

3. My dealbreakers, are REALLY dealbreakers for me. I've never been a line in the sand girl, persay...but I'm learning that as I get increasingly comfortable in my skin, I am finding it easier to find my voice in areas of concern, doubt and disappointment. My days of grinning and bearing it, are truly, behind me. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of not being true to me.

4. No matter how your heart breaks, someone can and will melt your heart. (Again) And it's usually when you least expect it.

5. Allow someone you respect, to show you what it's like to be on the receiving end of you. I am grateful, grateful, grateful for this latest opportunity. He has taught me what it's like to be on the receiving end of me. And you know what? That's not a bad place to be.

6. Partings don't always have to be "scenes." In fact, if most of your partings are scenes, perhaps you need to look at who you've been dating. If you keep ending relationships with a flower pot upside the head, you might wanna take a harder look at how you love and who you tend to want to love you. I learned that in my history, every ending, ended peacefully, and usually with love still in tact. I am most proud of this.

7.  Let things come to you. I read this on a tea bag not too long ago. I sighed audibly when I read it, it resonated with me on so many levels. It's so easy to let fear force you to act, to make choices, to pull, to push...to do something/anything. I am learning more and more, to keep my hand open. There's no need to grab, no need to clasp, no need to pin your life's hopes and dreams on any one person, or thing as if it is the very source of your happiness. YOU...are the source of your happiness. And what's right, will always find it's way to you. There's is actually very little we have to do, but be.

8. It's okay to know when you know. So many times we all get immediately involved in the "public assessment" of our relationships. We feel a need to let others opinions about what it is and what it isn't steer our interpretation. We need endorsement. No, we don't. Trust yourself. That is unless a friend uncovers that your person of interest is wanted in three states for molesting koi fish or something*. Then you might want to reconsider.

9. If it happens once, it's an event. If it happens twice, it might be a coincidence. If it happens three times, it's a habit. Know whether or not you can handle it. In this instance, I did a good job of establishing for me, what my personal dating dealbreakers are. The first time a breaker popped up, it took me a minute, but I addressed it. The second time it came up, I noted it and waited to see if he acknowledged it. He did, and we discussed how we wanted to handle it. The third time, we peacefully and amicably discussed our differences and what they meant. When I think back on all the times I didn't do that and where it got me...I see progress. And that makes me feel good.

So the sun sets on that little romance. But I'm not at all sad about it. I needed it, I learned from it and I'm not regretting one moment of it. I don't suspect he is, either. And that's the way the cookie crumbles.


*No koi fish were harmed in the entirety of this relationship. The lawyer and myself remain avid fans and supporters of err..fishkind.